Mental Health - Is this depression?

Being a man of few words is a very difficult task in this society that can’t stop speaking. It’s just way too much to process when too much of it has been going on and it’s much harder when talking hadn’t been beneficial in the past at all. One could always ignore the negatives and head towards the source of light but it’s too hard when you end up colliding in the mirror, a mirror of thoughts, chained and linked over a thousand perspectives, hard to get your focus off of. When you’re not even the hero of your own story, because of the small demon in your brain which seems to give you a free choice, but what it really does is take control. It seems to be there for you but instead what it does is keeps you for itself, when you can just move on to a happier life. You seem to be going for happiness but instead it’s just a virtual image you see and once again you bang your head in the mirror thinking how you got fooled to move farther away from your dreams. This demon never allows the good in you to be seen.

It begins on one sunny day. It seems perfectly normal. Things go smooth and better than smooth and you won’t have the slightest of the clue that the demon has just entered. It sets up its small computer, connects all the circuit and it all takes a very long time to start functioning. It takes it’s time and slowly it seems to take over, establishing the slightest of dominance, every time you get across a situation. It excites you, lifts you, pushes you and at last smashes you; the worst of it being it puts all of the blame on you. Yet you can’t blame the demon because it’s disguised as an angel helping you but you know it’s not what it looks like. It stops you from doing things and again pushes you to the same things when it’s a very bad time. The demon could just be within you or around you. Just try and limit your toxicity.
Because at the end of the night, all that matters is you.

And here I am 12 days has passed for this month and if I look back what seem like a memorable 2 weeks in my life I’ll never forget. I’ve felt symptoms but still hardly trying to deny it. I hope 4 more weeks won’t be late for depression to take over. I’ll wait and see for myself first and if it is depression, I’ll not miss out on help. If it’s not, I just need to catch up with all the unnecessary cutbacks. This does look like a hell of an adventure.

Goodnight.

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